Procrastination

Nearly all of us do “it.” We procrastinate more as children or teenagers; I estimate my own kids are average in this tendency while in their college years. (Their talking about it at lunch the other day moved me to write on the subject). I remember having lengthy high school term papers, for which we had two months to finish. Last day – last morning, 2AM my mom typing it up for me. Even as adults, few of us are as annoyingly efficient as some inner voice says we “ought to be”. For one thing, it may be great to have employees or teammates be well-oiled machines, but we seem unlikely to pick friends and love partners with this on their resume. It hints at boring and unspontaneous.

Delaying to the last minute or beyond has its appeal. We can believe that we are controlling a task rather than having it control us. (Of course, "I'll do it when I'm good and ready" stances really just give an illusion of control.) We can get an adrenaline rush vaguely similar to what a member of a bomb squad might feel racing against precious time. Perhaps it gives us a fallback position in case things go ok, but not great: “ Well, I didn’t have much time…” Remember, as well, that delay invites further delay. Apologies provide a classic example. How often do we postpone a called or written apology so long that we now feel embarrassed to do it at all? Procrastinating can also be a slippery slope...some things we keep putting off we eventually plain forget.

Some procrastinations might be renamed “intelligent” or “healthy” delays. This would include not rushing with important decisions while gathering both information and tempered feeling until a move simply has to be made.

One area of procrastination which is not intelligent is avoiding the doctor when you feel pretty sure something about your body is off or needs a check-up. This is particularly a tendency for men, and I believe a strong reason married men outlive their single counterparts – their concerned wives get them to go by pressure or car.

Fortunately, most of life is not an all-or-none proposition. We needn’t do something either instantly or just before a designated deadline. Chipping away, doing or thinking/planning some minimum time each day…going with occasional surges of energy or enthusiasm to go further. This has many advantages which must be experienced to be appreciated. All the parental advice, real or internalized, will rarely move a procrastinator, barring enforced threats.

The main advantages we all know by heart, although the one of freeing up time for the unexpected which may arrive at normal “cram time” bears repeating. It may not show up often, but a great night out, a problem that really needs your attention, feeling sick – any of these can kill the 11th hour buzz.

Focusing steadily builds a truer confidence than late show heroics. And I strongly believe our subconscious mind is more active as a helper when we have some conscious connection to our goal each day. As well, doing a good deal of something early allows more time to change direction.

It’s tricky in today’s world. The rate of change we witness and are nearly forced to experience can be breathtaking, terrifying. We can shut down in the face of it. Procrastinating can be an aspect of this reaction. On the other hand, we can over-adapt and become adrenaline junkies. The panic “high” of late performance can be a turn-on with this profile, too. Either response is less than healthy, of course. Actually, taking back some control through a bit more care in planning… this seems likely to reduce some of the stress of our times, not to mention the stress which accompanies postponing the inevitable.

I believe labels, by others or self-imposed, are restrictive. Calling yourself a procrastinator creates yet another unnecessary box. You may have a tendency, but tendencies can change – they don’t have to define you.

Experiment today or this week, doing or starting something you would normally keep delaying.

A final thought – What we value, what we love; we naturally approach these with greater care. We prepare more when these people, jobs or interests are involved. That’s as it should be. These are focuses for which we should avoid “time squeezes” as best we can. As for other things in life – procrastinate away!

“OPENINGS”

finding greater clarity and resolve at important moments

The broad theme I’d like to work on with you is CHANGE…mainly how we respond to change and how we make changes in our lives.

…how conscious and otherwise equipped we are to deal with changes that affect our lives all the time…sometimes dramatically.

The world we live in now is incredibly accelerated in particular ways and often people feel their lives spinning out of control or barely held together. Poor coping mechanisms run the gamut of excesses: alcohol/pills/drugs…compulsive eating, computer and TV/video time. These head the list of largely numbing escapes for many from an otherwise uncertain, unstable life experience.

Others may feel pretty good most of the time, only to find themselves overwhelmed by challenges of relatively small changes. Big shifts, like those from sudden economic changes threaten our identity as individuals and the quality of our relationships and families.

What ties us together is a yearning for a new kind of balance we can sustain in the face of inevitable change – a balance that may require new muscles.

I’ve experienced a lot of change in my life, through a combination of choice and circumstance. I’ve developed numerous ideas on this subject over the past decade. Included are thoughts on the topic in general and many on specific issues we all face.

The market is full of self-help books; psychologists and psychiatrists abound. But it’s challenging to find a book or connection which consistently serves us, not to mention some of the finances which may be required. So it seems there’s ample room for new perspectives and new ways of understanding good ideas, both new and old. Ideally, some of these insights may be used to help get us unstuck or to fuel a new way of thinking. Will they change your life? Of course! Everything changes your life, even if just a little.

Who is my initial audience? Family and good friends, totaling about fifty.

What will appear on this blog? On a regular basis I will write on a fresh topic of hopefully broad interest. Mainly, the blog will be stimulated by what you write, letters of up to 500 words. You can share situations, questions or even suggestions about dealing with change. My strong preference is that you write anonymously in the case of letters and perhaps give a first name attached to your topic comments (as opposed to registering with one), and I will moderate and comment as called for.

Please keep in mind that this is not my occupation, and may not be my avocation either if it gets in the way of my family life or career. As for the future, who knows?

But let’s get started, and feel free to jump in whenever the water feels right to you!

[ I have neither a medical nor legal degree. I will not give advice on medical conditions (including extreme depression) or give legal advice. I will offer suggestions. What you do with those suggestions is up to you.] (This disclaimer section probably needs work, but I asked my therapist, and she said, “Just don’t worry about it – no one’s gonna jump off a bridge ‘cause they read a blog…”)